Time is Running Out

Time is such an interesting thing. Everyday there is the exact same time in the day, it never changes. But sometimes it feels like it is moving really fast and other times it is dragging. Right now I feel it is doing both. Looking back on this last school year it really has flown, especially this semester. In the moment it felt really slow, but now I'm coming up on the last three weeks of school and it really has flown. Am I happy about this? Yeah for the most part. But part of me is sad too. I have this problem in which I tend to wish time away. I can't wait for things to be over so I can move onto something else. That's kind of what I've done this last year. I have been so anxious and excited to finally be done with college and to move back home. But now that graduation is just around the corner I'm starting to wish I hadn't wished it all away. I did this same thing in high school. I couldn't wait to be done with school and drill because I was worn out and tired of it all. But then when the time actually came to be done with it, I was quite sad and I sometimes find myself wishing I could have some of those days back. Life really was much simpler then haha. Not that I would ever want to be in high school again. But I do miss dancing all the time and I regret that I didn't enjoy it more. And here I find myself doing the same thing again. I have wished the year away instead of just enjoying it. Don't get me wrong, I am so ready to be done with school, and I can't wait to not have to do the long distance relationship thing anymore. But I wish I'd enjoyed this year a little more. It has definately been a rough one. But I'm going to very sad when it is over. I'm sad to leave my roomies, even though they drive me crazy some days. I'm going to miss being on my own and being able to go and come as I please (although I didn't do much going lol). I love my family, but living at home is hard after living on your own for so long. I'm not going to lie I'm not going to miss school. It is definately time to be done with that. I'm really going to miss Dance Magic. I'm going to miss all my girls, and my boys (depending on the day haha), and the teachers. I've made some great friends and gotten to know so many people and I'm sad to leave them. I feel that if anything, I've done most of my growing up at Dance Magic. It's where I've found what I really want to do with my life, and what makes me happy. It's where I feel most comfortable. I am not looking forward to having to find a new job and work my way up from the bottom again and having to get to know new people and figure out how things work again. I'm sad I won't get to see some of my girls grow and become the amazing dancers and people I know they will be. I know there are other girls out there that I will get to know and teach, but the girls here were the first students I got to call mine and I'm sad to leave them. It's funny, I look back at my first semester down here in Cedar, people would ask me how it was and what I thought and I said I hated it, I was only staying for a year and then I was going up north. Things definately didn't work out that way that's for sure. And while I still have hated it down some days, I know that this is where I was supposed to be at this time in my life. I don't regret my decision to come down here. I have struggled and had some of the biggest trials while here, but I've also had some of the best. I have developed some life long friendships I may have missed out on, I think my relationship with my family, especially my mom has become so much stronger, my relationship with Colton has become so much stronger and our love has grown so much more, and more importantly I have grown up so much and I feel that I am a better and stronger person because of my experiences here. While I am sad to leave and scared because I don't know what's going to happen next, I am also excited for the next chapter of my life to start. But for now, I'm going to enjoy my last few weeks here and for the first time ever, hope that time slows down just a little bit :)

Tonight on Criminal Minds...

I learned a valuble lesson on Criminal Minds tonight: Be nice to everyone so that if one day they go crazy and start killing everyone who was ever mean to them you won't be on the list :) I know it's a little weird but I thought I'd share :)

This Twisted World We Live In...

Today has been an interesting day. For the most part I have felt pretty good. I haven't had any homework, got my room cleaned and have had an overall relaxing day. I have spent most of the day however being excited for Kaitlyn. Her missionary came home today so she flew to Seattle to him. I couldn't be more happy for her. Two years is a long time to wait for someone and she has been patient and faithful. I know how excited she is to see Blake again and I am excited for both of them. They have both been on my mind all day.

Tonight however I got on facebook and read something from a family friend who is going through a really hard time. I have known about their situation for a long time now and known what's been going to happen to them this week. But as I was reading what she wrote I started to cry. This is not unusual for me seeing as it doesn't take much for me to cry anymore, but I began to think. Looking at their situation and then thinking about Kati it hit me how truly unfair life can be. Today while one person was rejoicing and excited to be reunited with the person she loves someone else was holding their baby knowing that in a few days that baby won't be theirs anymore. It's just weird to think that while this may be the best day thus far for Kati, it could've been the worst for someone else. It's like the whole everyday babies are born and at the same time people are dying. Isn't that weird? I know that is just the natural part of life but it is so mind boggling to me. Life is just so unfair and fair all at the same time. It's all just so twisted....